Monday, February 7, 2011

I'm still here.

It's really fun to blog about recipes and birthday parties and post picture of my girls. Those are big parts of my life for sure.

But sometimes with all of the many things I juggle, I get overwhelmed. Today, I was overwhelmed.

I realize that is not a complete sentence.

I wrote it in spite of a literature and film English class I'm taking for one of my last general education requirements and I hate it. Perhaps it's my negative attitude, but maybe not.

This past week and weekend has strained me and today was, well, overwhelming. This past week Raigan had pneumonia my mom had emergency renal surgery and has to have another surgery tomorrow. That, on top of work, school, and life, it was hard. Riley was up all last night screaming with an ear infection, woke her sister and everyone in the house up and we were up literally all night. I maybe slept one hour. Our pediatrician only had an appointment at 11 o clock and my poor babe cried until then and even accused me of giving her medicine (tylenol) that mad her ear feel even worse. I called about 15 doctors offices, businesses, and other places before 9 o clock this morning. Ran errands that could not be put off any longer. Then I had to take my mom back to the hospital. This was the point that I learned that sometimes I can't always keep it all together, and that I can't keep all the balls in the air and sometimes I drop them and that my husband is there to pick them up. He's an amazing man and father. He's my rock.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not as strong or well balanced as it seems. I don't always have it all together or all figured out, and that's okay. It's what keeps life interesting and empowers us to keep going to overcome things and days like today. 

So after all that I crawled into the corner and cried I went to that English class that I cannot miss unless I want to lose a letter grade and watched a movie that I had no idea what happened in because my mind was in other places.Like wanting to be home with my girls, at the hospital with my mom, or driving to see our new little nephew be born, but class went late and by the time we would have made it down, visiting hours would have been over, and mother nature decided it was a good time for a snow storm. Thanks mother nature.

I know there are women that have many more children than I, and honestly, I'm not sure how they do it, because my two very well behaved babies are hard on me sometimes, especially with both are sick. I know that there are many people in the world that face way more adversities than I do, but it's still hard sometimes. I wish more women would talk about how hard our lives can be. Not to dwell on the negatives of our lives, but to comfort each other knowing that we're not alone on days like today.

I know tomorrow will be a better day and that I will go back to being a great juggler, just not today.

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