Sunday, September 16, 2012

A Fun Life

Once upon a time this summer I was in an airport on my way to Savannah, Georgia for one of my best friend's bachlorette weekends. Sometimes I feel like I'm making stories up because my life is really fun sometimes and I never thought I would get to fly to the south to hang with my friends. But I'm not making it up. It really happened.

 Our group of friends on  a haunted pub tour in Savannah, Ga.

So I'm in this airport and I go to get through security and they ask me if I'm 16. I giggle- and then realize that they are being serious. (I am assuming that there is a rule that if you are under 16 you have to be escorted to your flight?) Which makes me laugh even more and I proceed to show them my ID that I am not underage and my bag falls over on the security conveyer belt and out falls novelty things for a bachelorette party- I blush- and then out flops a copy of 50 Shades of Gray that I had intended to read on the plane.

 One of my besties and Bride to Be on Tybee Island.

I am eager as ever to show them that I'm actually 25 and make a point that they see my wedding rings in an attempt to convince them that I'm not some kind of weirdo. I soon come to realization that I am a weirdo and no longer care because I was pumped as every for a fun weekend with my friends.

I have been trying to read 50 Shades since that weekend.

 The "Lets see how awkward all of us can stand for a group beach picture" picture.

I never read it on the plane, because I can't start a book while I am in the middle of the other, and I was trying to finish the one that I was in the middle of, which I did. While we were on the beach though one of my friends swiped my copy and has had it until this weekend.

My family joining me in Savannah before we enjoyed a lovely week on HHI. 

Our family has had an end of the summer cold with fevers and ear aches and general malaise. I was not immune and spent most of the weekend sleeping, trying to recover, and reading. I finally got to read the book, and the feminist in my did not like it, but out of sheer boredom of being sick laying in bed I even read the second book, which got a little better.

Other than being sick this weekend-which killed our apple pickin' plans, we had our follow up with Raigan's pulmonologist. We spent far too much time in the office as a previous client had, as he put it, had a very interesting situation going on" I normally would pry for information on the medical drama, since I'm normally into that stuff, but I was too exhausted from being locked in a very small exam room with two little girls that did not want to sit still, were interested in touching and nearly breaking everything in the room, and when they weren't doing that they were fighting with one another.

I image this is a form of torture in some places of the world.

Dr. Pulmonologist and I collectively decided to take the very conservative route with my little's lungs, because they have been doing so well all summer and we'll keep a very close eye on things. 

The girls have had cheerleading and our big competition is coming up very soon here in a few weeks.This will be Raigan's first, and even though she is only 2 we're really excited about her getting to experience the fun of it to whatever the ability she can.

Kindergarten is quite the learning curve, and not even for Riley, for me. I had corresponded with her teacher more than once this week because this stuff is complicated. I just want to do my best to help her succeed because she is a very bright little girl and I think we finally got things squared away. We are well on our way to a successful school year, it's just so crazy to me that we are already heading into our 4th week of the school year. I'm always surprised though how fast time moves once you have children.

Friday, September 14, 2012

To Plan or Not to Plan

I really do enjoy writing, but sometimes there's just nothing in there to write about or there is so much in my brain that I need to get out, write down, or talk it out with a friend over coffee that I find it overwhelming and avoid it instead.

I think it's one of those times. We have a lot going on in our lives right now, mostly all good things, but a lot. Cheerleading and coaching is taking up the majority of our week, then there is Kindergarten and trying to find routines and consistency. On top of that is my work.

My writing here has nothing to do with these photographs, but I love them and I'm just trying to have things flow and inspire me. I think that's the easiest way to write is when you just start writing and don't worry if things connect or are in appropriate order. You just follow your thoughts and write them down and worry about the editing and rearranging later.

There are a few things on my mind lately that I think I should write about but sometimes just am not ready to. How appropriate that the one thing has been my confidence as of late. When I was a 17 year old, I was the most confident person. I thought the cliche was that in high school you're the least sure of yourself and the direction you want to take in life, but it wasn't true for me. I knew where I wanted to go to college, who my friends were, succeeded at my job as a student, and had a firm grasp on how my future was going to play out.

Today, in  my mid 20s and a mother to these two little blessings, I'm at a take it take by day basis, because I'm not really sure what direction tomorrow is headed and even when I make plans, the plans don't always go as planned. Perhaps I was really naive at 17 and thought when you work hard enough to go in a direction that journey to your goal will be a straight line. I have definitely found this to be untrue. I have been so unsure about a lot of things lately and am even unsure about needing a plan for the future or goals. My plan currently is, like I said, to take it day by day and to just enjoy the way things happen on their own. Maybe the best plan is to not even have a plan at all.

I have always been a planner though. I need to know what I'm working towards. It gives me drive. Now that I'm done with school, own a home, and have chosen a school for my girls,  and have settled into a very comfortable place there isn't anything immediate in need of future plans. But the weirdo planner that I am,  find that a little unsettling. But I'm working on it. I'm working on enjoying the fact that things are comfortable and the way that they are supposed to be. Perhaps, I just need to find a hobby.

My work is another thing I feel like I must plan. Last night when I was at work people were talking about in the future going back to school for their masters, changing jobs, moving to a different department eventually and I was asked what my plans were.

My thoughts were, " hmm, they asked me what my plans are at the only point in my life thus far where I don't possess a plan for anything."

And my response was, "I don't know, I plan to stay here in the ICU until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up."

Then a coworker said, "Well, I think an ICU nurse is a really good place to start." and from the tone of her voice, I heard, shut up- you should be very proud of being an ICU nurse and you don't need a plan to move anywhere else, because being here is already quite an accomplishment.I wish my constantly churning mind would get that memo. Another plan, since I need them is to convince myself of this.

When I see these pictures it is so crazy to me that my little baby with lots of dark brown hair has grown into this beautiful confident little girl. She is so strong willed, an excelling reader, and I'm excited to watch her grow everyday. Her and her funny little sister.

It's milk in this coffee cup, but sister does enjoy sneaking sips of my coffees.

Future plans:

1. Stop making plans and enjoy things the way they are.
2. Survive and even enjoy Kindergarten.
3. Go apple pickin'

the end.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Elite

Oh motherhood. There is quite a bit to say about this job that some of us have. I really think that God only chooses the strong and the elite for this position, and sometimes I wonder how I didn't get kicked our of the boot camp of motherhood long ago. It takes so much to be a mother and I think about putting it on my resume. It is the hardest job I have ever had and it has taught me the more skills and knowledge than any other even college.

Job: Motherhood

Hours worked: 24 hours a day/7 days a week=168 hours  a week. 

(128 hours more than your average work week. Some may argue that most of this time is spent sleeping, but this is untrue. You only get to sleep if your children allow you to sleep. That's a whole lot of overtime that I'm not seeing on a paycheck anywhere.)

Salary: Love, hugs, laughter, and $0. Actually the cost is probably in the red monetarily wise.

Skills required: Multitasking, patience, intuition, balance, organization, budgeting, accommodating, cooking, cleaning, driving a car all over God's green earth, strength, being able to function without sleep, good communication skills, works well with others, motivated, flexible, and on and on.

Tasks performed at job: too many for even the best To Do list to keep up with. 

They say (whomever they is) that by your second child you're an expert and have gained confidence as a mother to listen to your instincts and that you know what to do.

Today I did not know what to do, even though I have a second child and only had 1 of my 2 children with me, which should have given me an advantage.

We were at Target. (does anyone else feel like every one of their motherhood stories starts that way? "I was at Target when..." It's true for me) looking for uniform shorts for my little Kindergartener. She starts to ask for all kinds of things and I try to explain to her that we can only spend this much money here today. She does not get it and does not get the concept of money yet, even with multiple attempts to explain it on many occasions. Heck, money is a complicated thing that sometimes I don't even understand.

I should have prefaced this story with the fact that she was at a cheerleading party last night, spent the night with her cousins, stayed up late, had been up since 6am for school that morning, and had cheered a football game in the swamp like humid heat. Now that I'm typing this, I should have known better than to take my sleep deprived, overheated little 5 year old into Target on a Saturday afternoon in the first place. Tack that one up for a lesson  learned.

So here we are, standing in Target, her loosing her patience quickly for me not letting her get all that she wants and making her choose, and I loosing my patience for her getting aggravated and not choosing. She  finally choose to forgo the uniform shorts and just stick with the uniform she already has but can be hot at times. I was okay with that, because she could only wear the uniform shorts for a few more weeks anyway and wouldn't really have been the best investment. So we get to the checkout line with the things she choose and she starts screaming to go get the shorts too. Not just whining either, full out-everyone is looking because they think someone is being murdered scream. 

This is the part where my mother of 2 expertise and confidence should have come in, but it didn't. I just stood there like a deer in headlights and thought to myself, "what in the world is going on?"

She is hysterical from fatigue.

I'm frozen.

She is normally a passionate and very strong willed little girl (must get that from her dad), but she's never acted this crazy-in public at least. Well what do I do here? Should I try to explain money and a budget to a hysterical 5 year old again? No, it didn't get through even when she was level headed. Do I put everything back and walk out of the store and not buy her anything for acting the way she is? Do I just get this stuff and tell her she needs to apologize before getting it? I'm sure everyone can weigh in on it a little differently about the approach I should have taken. But instead of doing any of those things? You know what I did?

 I started to laugh.

I have this horrible character trait of laughing at inappropriate times, and it's uncontrollable.

I just check out with what we had, tried to hide that I continued to laugh, she continued to scream, and we made our way to the car. I told her she was in trouble for acting like that and that it was disrespectful. She screamed the whole car ride home. I made her take a nap, which is where she is now.

She even tucked herself and froggy in. 

I'm not sure if I'll return the stuff, or make her do chore to earn the stuff back, but I'll eventually come to a decision with confidence because I'm a mother of two. I'm sure we'll both learn something from this little fiasco. I think the moral of this story are a few things. One, motherhood is tough, however many children you have -1 or 19. Two, we cannot be supermom, do it all, and have all the answers all the time in all situations. And most importantly, three, do not take your sleep deprived 5 year old to Target.

And I'll leave you with another Target motherhood story. I was at Target when I started talking to this mom whom had children the same age as mine. We really hit it off and were talking about baby carriers when I realized that I'm wearing a neon green t-shirt that says "Here for the Beer" that I have no idea where it came from.. I'm sure this lady had judge me, a mom of two little girls with this shirt on and I frankly didn't blame her. I remember ever time not to wear that t shirt to the baby section of Target.

Also, kudos to all the mothers that work hard every day trying to be the best they can be for their kids.And when you think you aren't doing enough and that there is always more to do, stop beating yourself up and trying to be supermom. Instead, congratulate yourself for all the kick ass work that you're already doing and all that you do accomplish.

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