Sunday, April 15, 2012


I think it's pretty wild how fast things change. It seems as the more that time goes on, the faster it goes too.

A few years ago when were were in Hilton Head in September time stood still. It was by far one of the most relaxing times of my life. I had to miss classes to vacation with my family (tough decision there...) and Hilton Head is amazing in the fall. The weather is still so welcoming and warm and the shops are only sprinkled with locals as all the tourists have returned home to begin a new school year and enjoy the fall. We played on the empty beaches, soaked up the sun, and let our sun kissed babies nap the afternoons away while we enjoyed the quiet sound of the ocean out of our window.

Specifically since that month of that year I have been asking myself where the time has gone. Time hasn't stood still since then. There are moments in all the flashes that I consciously pause and tell myself, "remember this" and try to burn it into my memory before it's gone. So much has happened and changed in the past few years, and even more so recently for our family. I have learned here recently that the only absolute constant in life is change.

The way the girls have changed over the years is just crazy to me, it's like a cut and paste kind of situation. One day I woke up and there was this toddler pasted where my baby was the night before. Riley is this little person and no longer a baby or toddler and shocks me with how bright and beyond herself she is. I just ask myself, wow, at what point did all this happen? I know there wasn't one specific moment when it all changed, and it worries me that I'm not soaking it all and noticing the tiny changes that add up to this really big change.

Raigan was always a super laid back reserved baby and I thought she would be quiet and reserved, but sticking to the theme of change, she has proved me wrong. She is a loud, crazy, outspoken, strongwilled little 2 year old, and I love it. This is our little family. I think this is exactly wherr we are supposed to be in our lives right now, even though it wasn't what was in my plans necessarily or how I saw it panning out, but that's the beauty of life. It's actually better than the plans I had for our family and we, or maybe even me and I push it on my family, are trying to embrace whatever comes our way and run like hell with it.

People give you a lot of advice (wanted or not wanted) when you become a mother and half the time I listened and took it into consideration and the other half of the time, I went with these instincts that are just there. No one told me (or maybe I didn't listen) how complex my feelings for these little girls would be. I love them so deeply and passionatly, I have this crazy need to protect them and provide for them and sometimes they drive me totally crazy and I need nothing more than a hot shower by myself for 5 minutes, but a minute into that shower it's been too long and I need them again. I fell pretty much crazy hard in love wtih my husband, but nothing compares to the love I feel as a mother and someone could give you all the advice and heads up, but you just can never understand it until you're there and experience it. 

I just hope that my girls feel this crazy involved intricate love. Not just the good times either, the times when I'm tired and my pateince is running short, I hope they still feel that love.

When I think about how much I as a person have changed it's just flat out crazy to me. I have discovered over the past few years, especially when Riley made me a mother, that I'm strong and capable of things I never thought I would be capable of. I look at the Megan from years ago, and I feel like it's a totally different person. I have changed physically with my hair color, the evidence of growing a child in the form love marks on my belly, and an extra 10lbs that I don't think I will ever loose, but how I've changed emotionally, mentally, and in my heart is much more noticeable than the physical things.

Another weird change about myself that I have discovered and never thought would ever happen is my new found love to read. I have always loved reading magazines and studies, they are my thing. I love articles, but have never enjoyed reading books. I was never the kid in school with my nose in a book and the idea of reading for pleasure would make me cringe. I supposed I was always picking up the wrong books, because when you find something that resonates with you it's great.

I now have stacks of books on my nightstand and can't wait to find 5 minutes to finish another chapter or section. I want to help my girls find their nitch and their love for books too, which I think will be much easier for them and take less time than it did for me. With that being said, I found some really great finds at a child's consignment shop in our area. I love kids books, but frankly, they can get really expensive. I think it's a great way to spend money, but I would rather get more for my money like anyone would. I loved as a kid, and still love The Magic School Bus books and movies. I think it teaches science in such fun, creative ways. When I found it for less than a dollar I scooped it up.

Also found this Madeline book collection of hard back books for $3!

Riley has been reading for a little while now and we love these Step into Reading books. Normally we pick some up at almost every Target trip and we got all these for the price of one.

I love that change brings about good things and even bad things that we are going to perceive as good and find the good in. Change isn't just something different, it's an opportunity to bring improvement and greater things. Greater things like a new found love of reading, a wild crazy toddler, and a husband's job that it working very well for our family. I just hope I take the time to study and enjoy the changes.

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